Shandi:
How Tom Baker eats a Reeses.
Shandi:
I'd hate to see what being ridden out on a rail would look like, after being given the boot....
Shandi:
"This week, on Spelunking for Beginners, we take on the Mini-Me with our dear friend and Professional Spelunker, Mrs. Brown. She specializes in Floating.... we won't go there."
Shandi:
"I know why he's blue: the shoes are too tight!"
Shandi:
(off-camera Newscaster Voice)"Today in the news there was a mass Schlitz migration, as thousands upon thousands of bottles swept through downtown Milwaukee and into the nearest lake to head to God only knows where; here you see a few of the bottles gasping in terror as one of their brethren are consumed..."
Shandi:
[Singing]o/`normal view, Normal View, NORMAL VIEW, NORMALLL VIEEEWWWWW.....`\o
Shandi:
This is how ghosts are REALLY made... or what happens when you lick too many of the middles of Oreo Cookies!
Shandi:
Alright, none of that horsing around - get Horse out of the hole and let's go home!
Shandi:
Here, you can see locals protesting the latest in yuppie icons - Starbucks - giving them the wrong kinds of drinks. "I asked for a MOCHA, not a MOHAWK!"
Shandi:
And Madonna remakes herself yet AGAIN, in a rather grotesque Hellraiser-esque fashion.
Shandi:
"So, when you had your breast implant, they added a coaster for you?""Yessm, they sure did! Much handier now!"
Shandi:
Now we know where Auntie Grizelda got her Hair, Makeup and Jewelry Tips from...
Shandi:
Um, someone needs to tell them that their sunblock isn't working... or we need to adjust the color balance in our computers!
Shandi:
"Hukked on Fonix werked four me!"
(Director, VO) "Mr. Smith, wrong ad... This is for Viagra - you know, 'enhance your sex life for pennies a day?'"
"*What* sex life?"
(Director, VO) *sigh* "Never mind!"
"Can I keep the pennies?"
(Director, VO) "Yes, Mr Smith, that's how we're paying you. You can go now."
Shandi:
What Gandalf the White and Samwise Gamgee do when they aren't chasing after a bloody-awful ring
Shandi:
"Help - I've fallen and I can't get up!"
911 dispatch: Are you having an emergency sir? Is it a heart attack?
"It's an emergency all right - dad's got me in a sleeper hold and won't let go!"
911: Sir, your father is a redneck - that does not meet the criteria for emergency. Don't call again!
Shandi:
And the whole town turned out to see the "Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Snake" Contingent pass through town for their annual parade.
Shandi:
He's looking for the Golden Ticket, and a chance to visit the enigmatic Col. Sanders McNugget Factory for a tour with the Colonel and his assistant, Mayor McCheese.
Shandi:
"Chia Head" taken to extremes here.
Shandi:
Wow, Gary Coleman's career has really shrunk to a new low.... It's a shame, really. I'll bet he rides tall in the saddle, though!
Shandi:
"It was Confucius who first coined the phrase 'with 12 you get egg roll'!"