Shandi:
*"Need a Hand with that?" "No thanks, already on top of it.."
Shandi:
Unfortunately, after the horrible accident at the Tattoo parlor, these two posed for the camera while attending some art show -- and a rich lady promptly bid on and won the hands for $4,000 each!
Shandi:
<left guy> Which lady do you want to help?
<right guy> You take the blond, I'll take the one in the turban!
Shandi:
Here's one of the finalists for the "Rocket X-9" Olympic team; unfortunately, he didn't make it. The fuel cell (the sports bottle strapped to his back) chose that moment to implode. He's now a black hole over New Jersey.
Shandi:
My guess is, since he's checking the filter and he's got the lighter and cigarettes strapped to the side, that this is going to be a Smoking Gun.
Shandi:
Now, for your viewing pleasure, the worlds first Koolaid Distillery -- to make your very own Koolaid Wine!
Shandi:
Thousands of Praying Moonies fall victim to the Reverend's latest shrek; get it in the end. Film at eleven.
Shandi:
And now the Coppertone Dogsled Competition gets underway and -- oh look, a surprise!
Shandi:
Push the Button, Frank!
Shandi:
The origins of the "Joe Don Baker" Cult: Practicing Overheating Dinner and Blowing Up the Compound Day.
Shandi:
"Mike Tyson's Fried Ears - so finger-lickin'-good that they knock you on your A-hh, out!"
Shandi:
Here's a tree that lives in daily mortal terror of the coming of "The Day of Bobbitectomy."
Shandi:
The NEW Stepford Stewardess school is now open, featuring such techniques as Constant Cheer Throughout Turbulence, Coping Cheerfully with Crying Kids, and Tactfully Turning a Pass into a 3-day Weekend with Bozo.
Shandi:
"(whispers) Wow, Looks like Mack the Knife really knew what he was talking about --(yelling) Er, Mr. Knife? We'll have you out of there in a jiffy..."
Shandi:
The new Low-Cal, Low-Fat cheese slice made with Olestra(tm): may cause uncontrollable sneezing and bitter beer face when ingested.
Shandi:
And just as Joe was getting the Spirit, he slipped -- and ended up as a tape on America's Funniest home videos, winning his best friend $3000 and ruining their friendship. His best friend didn't seem to mind, though.
Shandi:
After the Captain burned the kid's house, broke his arm and gave him a percentage of the latest movie cash, they both agreed to part company -- after he signed the agreement on the kid's cast, of course.
Shandi:
Warped Faerie Tales: Danny Elfman on his Wedding Night *shudders*
Shandi:
Ok, what *I* want to know is, if they're trying to break a record for pole sitting, *how did they get the ice cream cones up there?!*
Shandi:
Santa hits the skids in "When Elves Attack" on "Sick Sad World!" Next!
Shandi:
A show that requires me to THINK? Can I *do* that? "Honey, do I have any brain cells around? There's this show on that's making me try to THINK!"