Agent_Moldy:
After seeing the type of helpers he would have at Christmas time, Santa decided to chuck the elves and move his operation to Australia.
Buffoon:
"You're doing great. Just a little while longer, and we'll have that bicycle seat ready for Ying's Christmas present!"
[Buffoon wishes to express that he really, really apologizes for that one. ;~)]
Mr_Grant:
"Nice headlights. Would you guide my lay- er, sleigh tonight?"
DiscoBoy:
Santa Claus helps the Afghan refugees the best way he knows how. "Who cares if Muslims don't celebrate Christmas," he said. "Everyone can use free sex toys, which would go a long way toward reducing tension in the region.... Speaking of tension in my region, hello baby...."
144b:
"It's from the marlin on top of the RV over there, Santa."
"Thanks, babe."
Old St. Nic is always getting free drinks. No matter where he is.
Steve_Reeves:
Santa always knew a vacation in Rio would be just the thing after a chilly Christmas and he was right! He made a point of sending Mrs. Claus to visit her Mother before leaving...
Lanzman:
"I squeezed this out of the padding of my bicycle seat just like you told me, Santa. *Now* will you bring me that puppy I wanted?"
Generik:
"Santa Claus? No, I'm his cousin, Robin Claus. I take from the bad little girls and give to the good little girls."
Nyssa23:
"Who do I have to f*ck to get a Gatorade around here? ...Forget it."
amycamus:
At a military staging area in Oman, boredom begins to set in in a big, big way for U.S. troops impatiently waiting for the go ahead to attack Iraq.
HoneyT:
"Ho ho hooooohhhh that's right, send me some more of *those* Christmas cards, hotcakes! You've been a *very* good girl this year, I can see!"
UnReality:
"But, Santa, I thought you only came once a year!"
Ash_Skywalker:
Obviously Santa has been VERY good this year...
nastinkers:
Mad Max's Merry Christmas Special!!!
malaclypse:
"Sitting at home in the North Pole, Santa swigs some more acid-tainted Gatorade, cuz this trip just seems to keep gettin better 'n' better..."
abracadaver:
Thanks, Lady! I knew I shoulda' made a left at Walla Walla...
ABServo:
"Santa hasn't been the same, now that Viagra is available in the North Pole!"
Matteus:
Tossing bottles off the edge of the Earth is a lot easier now that he has his bike.
CindyM:
Finally, Santa gets his present!
questor:
Of course, Santa has something special for bad girls.
Daleman:
"I really love that bicycle. How much would you want for it? Hmmmm, that’s a bit steep for me. How much for just the seat?"
ArtMystery:
"Well, originally I came out here as part of a big group of girls shooting an album cover for Queen, but I discovered that I'm happiest riding around in the nude and selling Gatorade, so I thought, what the heck, you know, pursue your dreams, and all that. So, what brings YOU out here?"
"Elf molestation."
"Oooo-kay, well, I've got some customers waiting for me, so I guess I'll just head on out now..."
Indika:
"All I want for Christmas is a vibrating bicycle seat!"
Flavio:
Get this Snapple over to Heat Miser post-haste and tell him I'm sorry about the crack about his mother being on welfare. Oh, and we're all meeting at Thunderdome later.
evetsggod:
Thank god this beach doesn't have a nudity claus!
Geier:
Not even this photo of Santa's big pre-holiday-rush blowout at the North Pole could convince President Dubya that global warming was anything but a bunch of tree-hugger hooey.
Laurie2K:
"I've got a hotdog and beer... you've got nice buns. How about a 'tailgating party,' please?"
Janx:
Even in his retirement Santa still enjoyed the giving of presents. Here Santa gives this well-behaved young lady a bike. As is customary she offers Santa a drink and leaves out some nibblies.
chilwil:
Little known fact: one of the first signs of dehydration is a paling of the cheeks. Good thing Santa never sleeps.
starkbalmy:
"Here's your clean sample, Pantsless Claus, good luck getting that government job. And remember our deal -- I get a halter top and a Hitachi Magic Wand under the tree this year or this is the last time for you!"
HenryBemis:
Still, not nearly as disillusioning as the Santa who took a crowbar to three ATMs and set a Port-O-John ablaze during Woodstock '99.