Agent_Moldy:
"Annnnd there you go."
"Wow, I finally have a neck! Thank you, Doctor!"
"Oh, you're quite welcome. Be seein' ya. Okay, who's next? Let's see here...ah, yes. Clive Anderson? Is there a Clive Anderson here?"
suggs:
Lifts, Smlifts! This'll make you so tall, you'll have to fight the ladies off!
Buffoon:
New military technology now allows new recruits to be both straight AND gay!
Steve_Reeves:
In an attempt to double his humor quotient, Rowan Atkinson recently had his head grafted onto Woody Allen's body. Unfortunately, with mixed results since it appears the world is not ready for Cerebral Physical Comedy...
ArchHallJr:
James Best undergoes the "Kuyd-Yud-Yud-Yew" procedure, the first in a series of treatments that will ultimately transform him into Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane.
144b:
Here we see Mr. Pervis Glaermer, who makes a living as 'The Human Piñata'. In his spare time, Mr. Glaermer collets video recordings of "The Bionic Woman".
Generik:
Not as popular or as well-known as the Lincoln Tunnel or the Lincoln Memorial, the Lincoln Fish De-Liar nevertheless enjoyed quite a heyday in the late '50s among serious anglers. "Okay, Abe, we're gonna slip another striped bass in your pocket and get the weight and size of that bad boy!" "S'awright."
BlakHat1:
"I'll teach that Mr. Bean ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
Nbutlerdidit:
"Yep, that's right, boy: Today's Klan is colorblind. Now we'll lynch ANYbody! Now hold still."
nashtbrutusandshort:
Scientists are brought in to prepare Dean Stockwell for his against-type role as Abraham Lincoln.
Soozcat:
Alert Joan Rivers.
Annakie7:
"Check it out Ernie, this one's come to a head and looks about ready to pop! Hyuck!" "Shut the hell up Earl, I'm trying to figure out how to expose this camera film."
Laurie2K:
Visit the Cosmetic Surgery Institute now! Whether your future fashion needs dictate a refined aquiline profile or the apple-cheeked girl-next-door look, you'll be on the cutting edge with a few gentle swipes of our surgeons' gentle tools! Innovative procedures ensure complete privacy and fastest departure time. Felons and fugitives welcome.
ArtMystery:
Dr. James Kimmel, Sr., comes up with the idea for a bouncing person to accompany the credits for his fledgling program, "The Man Show," on the DuPont Network. Dr. Kimmel's son, Jimmy, later modifies and refines the concept, changing the Abe Lincoln-Rowan Atkinson lookalike to a bevy of scantily-clad women, to great success.
DiscoBoy:
And now, let's see a clip from Ted V. Mikels' latest masterpiece, "Mark of the Ortho-Zombies."
Lanzman:
. . . and of course, the final step in the assembly process is to add the head.
questor:
"The personals ad claimed to be able to make a bigger dick. Sadly, some guy named Richard responded first."
BuckFifty:
Early erectile disfunction therapy. "Uh Doc? I think you've got the wrong head..."
UnReality:
"Are you *sure* this is how Madonna got started?"
amycamus:
"Fourscore and seven years ago, our forefathers..." "LOUDER!"
Shandi:
<Voiceover> With Science's latest invention, 'The Egometer', we can measure the size, shape and weight of this man's ego. The results are in: it's the exact size, shape and weight of -- NEW JERSEY?! </Voiceover>
Nyssa23:
"Here at the Capper National Laboratory, we are making daily strides in improving the safety of autoerotic asphyxiation."
JAUSTRALIS:
"And with THIS new device... Kennedys are free to drink and drive again..."
HoneyT:
"Mr. Bean, nooooooooo!!!!!!"
Ash_Skywalker:
o/ "I am your DEEEEEN-TIIIIIIIIIST!"
nastinkers:
The new how-to video: Assisted Suicide with Mr. Bean.
rickubis:
What is it with you? This is the third time this week! I'll tell you one more time. "Muff diving" is just a figure of speech.
abracadaver:
I'M CRUSHING YOUR HEAD!!! You flathead!
malaclypse:
"First rate Matthew Broderick storage available! Modern facilities! Helpful doctors! We guarantee it!"
Geier:
Before he graduated to actually eating his patients years later, Hannibal Lector would simply weigh them in increasingly bizarre contraptions, all the while muttering about some sort of beans and a nice chianti. Given that this was the Fifties, his patients figured it was all just part of the doctor's avant garde psychiatric technique, and didn't complain.
Reynard_T_Fox:
We really do owe a debt to all the brave actors who portrayed Peter Pan in the *early* days...
Daleman:
[April 1, 1957] "Your sure I have to stay here all day to hold the ceiling down?" "(snicker) Yes Bob, it's your turn."
AAAron333:
"Hope dims for Christopher Reeves, as he finally realizes how little progress doctors have made in the area of stem cell research."