Agent_Moldy:
"Bill, you must emBRACE the juice... FEEL its power... let the magic of the juice wash over you... BE the juice, Bill... be the juice..."
"Your words are light, Juiceman. I *will* be the juice."
"No, Bill, I don't think you understand. Just being the juice isn't enough. You have to LOVE the juice, Bill. Look at the juice... touch it... feel its silky smoothness... slather yourself in--"
"Um, sir...?"
"Huh? *ahem* Sorry.
Anyway, Bill, um...juice. Yeah."
"Gotcha. By the way, J-Man, where did your eyebrows go?"
"Juice accident. I don't wanna talk about it."
"Whatever you say, sir."
suggs:
'Ummmmmmmm...Jimmy Stewart? Humphrey Bogart? I give up, who ARE you supposed to be?'
144b:
"Okay, Bill. I'll do my impression of a Windows user again. 'Oooh! It locked up again! Wahhhh!! Wahhh!! Why does this happen to meeee?!?! Wahhh!!!'"
"Ha ha!! It gets funnier & funnier everytime you do it, Sparkey."
DiscoBoy:
Much to his regret, Steve Jobs learns too late that Bill Gates is really a Scanner.
bugwber:
"Yes! Only by praying to the Dali Gates, can Seattle achieve a sunny day!"
Nbutlerdidit:
"Hmmm... looks like he's choking... and I DO know the Heimlich maneuver... but maybe if I just keep standing here, I can end up owning HIS company, too... hmmm..."
"*AAAAACCKKKK!*"
Mr_Grant:
PC User Magazine Newsflash!-- Jim Allchin, head of Microsoft's Windows XP development team, describes how XP users will use the new Microsoft Magic Wand, which he said is "an exciting new interface experience". The Redmond software giant has chosen The Wand to replace the ubiquitous PC Mouse. "We think people hate the Mouse," said Allchin. The Magic Wand is projected to be a 6 inch to 8 inch long cylinder, slightly curved. A ridged control sleeve around the Magic Wand can be twisted by the user to move their PC cursor, while sliding the sleeve back and forth replaces clicking and double-clicking a Mouse button...
(continued)
Mr_Grant:
..."We think the Magic Wand will be a boon to people who suffer from repetitive strain injuries," Allchin went on to say, "extensive ergonomic studies back this up. Of 325 adolescent boys in our Magic Wand test group, none developed any wrist problems." And as an added plus, Allchin said the Magic Wand works the same whether the user is right or left-handed. The unit will also be cordless, recharged by insertion into a Microsoft Automatic Graphical-user Interface Nickel-metal-hydride Accessory (M.A.G.I.N.A.). The projected cost is \$99.95 including MAGINA; a 36MB software driver is required. CEO Bill Gates had no comment, but did rub his hands together with glee. (Please see Magic Wand bench test review, "3 Minutes Of Use, 6 Hours To Recharge," also in this issue.)
Generik:
Test-marketing the new Faith-Based Windows 2002, Bill Gates demonstrates how all he has to do is pray to get relief from the federal judiciary. Faster than a T1, T3 or DSL, Gates utilizes the all-new Direct to God Wireless Connection in smiting just one of his many enemies. "Thank you, Father, a crippling stroke is just the ticket! Now about that P/E ratio..." "URRRGGGHHH!!!"
BlakHat1:
Hobbies of the Disgustingly Rich: *POW!* *KRASH* *BOOM* *GURGLE-GURGLE-GURGLE* "You sank my Battleship!"
rickubis:
Bill Gates tears out yet another soul and absorbs it into Hel--er... Microsoft.
Ash_Skywalker:
Bill: Yes, Number Two. I will take over the world and make... TRILLIONS?
Mr. Gates: Don't call me Number Two! *PPPPPPHHHHHT-faaaaaart* Damn you, PruneJuice 2000!!!
nastinkers:
"And one of my testicles was SO swollen..."
Nyssa23:
"MAAAAATLOOOOOOCK!"
ArtMystery:
"We'd like to thank Mr. Gates for renouncing the material world in favor of a more spiritual way of life; and to that end, he is giving his fortune to the poor and coming to live in our ashram just outside of Puyallup. Mr. Gates...?"
"Yes, that's right. I will be seeking enlightenment by fasting, meditating and... HA! Psyche!! Gotcha, you old windbag! I'm not giving up *dick*, for you or anybody! Heh heh... that was a good one. You should see the look on your face... Security! Escort this charlatan the hell out of here, and I mean pronto!"
Daleman:
If your a billionaire and you know it, clap your hands...
Lanzman:
Bruce Dern screams in horror as he realizes that Bill Gates and Tom Clancy are the same person.
WEIRD_1:
Jeb Bush Reviews The Election Results
Steve_Reeves:
"Now that's just gross! This idiot just sneezed in *my* hands!"
HoneyT:
"The Sad Puppet Hour presents: 'The Mikado'"
questor:
Bob Guccione announces the December issue of Penthouse will feature a Senator Clinton pictorial.
abracadaver:
.oO I bet I can make this guy's hair go all white just by praying to Satan!
malaclypse:
Bill Gates turns his "death-ray-specs" contact lenses to full power.
Annakie7:
"I knew I could get Bill Gates under my thumb with my Dianetics power. Because it gets you here. And it gets you right here."
LuvBJones:
"MY HEART!!! DEAR GOD, MY HEART!!!!"
MrBungle:
"So then I says to her, I says: Hey! What'ya mean my friend Bill here's not your type? Hey could WIPE HIS ASS with your PAYCHECK, honey!"
joe678:
Bill Gates silently prays for the PUMAT of David Bowie, Richard Lynch and Sandra Bernhardt to just shut up, drop a ball and take a penalty stroke.
Buffoon:
Bill Gates and friend demonstrate their methods of measuring penis size. While his friend demonstrates the length and girth of his own, Bill gives the international sign for a 3 and a one-half inch floppy.