Agent_Moldy:
"Hiiii! Do you have a few minutes to talk about the lard?"
suggs:
...and one hundred pounds of sour cream! Yep, you heard right! One hundred pounds!!!
144b:
Hello? Leprosy Hotline. This is Tom. How may I. . .Oops! Wait a sec, my ear fell off."
DiscoBoy:
"No, but I have Prince Charles in a can. Will that do?"
Jazzsoda:
"So I shoot every bird in the neighborhood, and I'll be g*ddamned if an effin FLYING SQUIRREL doesn't sh*t on my car next! Can you believe it? I thought I was gonna- Hey, can you hold on? I've got call on my other luscious black dildo."
Gowest:
For red hot phone sex have Sarah connect blue wire into socket 18 and turn crank 4 turns. Pause and turn 3 more turns.
Lanzman:
Unknown to Harold, the Earth had just moments earlier been invaded by the Telephone-Shaped-Brain-Leeches from Planet Zordax. His happiness was short-lived.
Buffoon:
A young Ronald Reagan finds out why Nancy has the reputation of providing the best aural sex in Hollywood during the 1940's.
Generik:
"...Well, actually, we ended up shaving the monkey's ass and putting the French-cut panties on Eugene, then we took the whipped cream and the nipple clamps and we- uh oh, the boss is coming, hang on... Two dozen orders? Why, yes, Mr. Arbuthnot, sure, we can do that! Let me just get hold of Jimmy in purchasing, and I'll... okay, he's gone now. So anyway, we took the nipple clamps off Renee and got the can of whipped cream and a ball gag, see, and then..."
BlakHat1:
"I keep ringing up the guy in the Golden Era screensaver but he's too lazy to get out of the damn CHAIR! Does he think shaking his ANKLE counts as exercise? And what's with the operator who sounds like a Jack-In-the-Box? And why can't he find a radio station and STICK with it?"
questor:
"Earl missed the flock, but over time he realized the 1-900-Dial a Sheep service was nearly as satisfying and didn't result in shin scars."
teambanzai:
...Hairy movies? You really think that's funny, don't you, Generik, calling me all hours of the day and night asking me if I like hairy movies, well, I've contacted the phone cops and they're on to you. NO PHONE COPS, PHONE COPS. Not Disco Cops. What?.... Well of course it's running, it...... Go and get it? What? DAMN YOU!!!! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!! IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!!!!! DO YOU HEAR??.... *click* Damn, he hung up.
HoneyT:
"Why, yes, I *am* wearing a banana-warmer...yes, it's yellow, and...why, yes, you are correct! It's 50% polyester and 50% cotton! Oh my, Ms. Cleo, you ARE a psychic!"
nastinkers:
"Are you a NAUGHTY boy? Do you need a spanking?" Thank goodness we can't see what's going on under the table!
Steve_Reeves:
"Hello?...No, I don't have Prince Albert in a can, I let him out about an hour ago...OK, thanks for calling."
Geier:
"...ramming it back in over and over again, until I explode in a torrent of emotional and physical release. Exhausted and spent, I lie back and fall asleep, assured in the afterglow of yet another conquest that I can sate my animal lusts whenever and with whomever I choose. ...Uh-huh... Yes, 'whomever I choose', that's right. ...Yes. ...You don't say. Really? Well, whaddayaknow. ...Okay, well, talk to you later. Bye, Mom."
Darkvortex:
Moldy moving her office??? Just how will she 'press the button'?? With a long pole? A clapper? A trained midget named Norm?
Soozcat:
"No, 'sarright, honey, the doctor said no more chlamydia."
Shandi:
Here we see the Poster Child for "Girl Six for Sex," Displaying his/her latest, er, talents.
Annakie7:
"Hey, Veronica! My wife's out of town for the weekend, so you wanna get together and have sex?" *Bill, you putz...you pushed the wrong speed dial button, this is Mike. What the hell?* "Oh, hey, Mike...do you wanna get together this weekend for sex?"
malaclypse:
"Watchin' da game, havin' a bud. True."
abracadaver:
We've lined the earpiece of Gerald's phone with Krazy Glue. Let's see if he notices...
starkbalmy:
"Yes, pepperoni is fine, I just want you to make sure that none of the pieces are touching each other. I hate it when the pieces of pepperoni are touching each other. I especially hate it when they're slopped all over willy-nilly, piled up on each other like those dead bodies in the mass grave back in Bechtesgaden, when we... aaaah... uh... okay, so...less than half an hour, or it's free, right?"
robofreak:
"Hello? Why, yes...this *is* Ronnie Regan. President? Why, I never thought about it. I'd better go ask mommy first, but it sounds fun."