Agent_Moldy:
Well, they had to do SOMEthing, the hair was starting to build up...
144b:
So, on top of making you go blind. Now, masturbating also causes your hand to burst into flames?
DiscoBoy:
And here I just spent my whole adolescence worrying about *hairy* palms...
JurassicPork:
"No, wait, that's supposed to happen when you pull *my* finger! Damn, you'd think I'd've gotten that right by now..."
Lanzman:
As it turned out, reversing the polarity of the neutron flow in a tube of Preparation H wasn't a really good idea after all.
Buffoon:
Of course, the disgusting part was having to fart into your hand first, but....
Daleman:
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may put out your bride"
Generik:
"I love the smell of Chemistry class in the morning... smells like... victory!"
"Smells like burning flesh to me! Ow! Cut it out!"
meQal:
Bill Wholtalski School For Gifted Children was never as popular as Charles Xavier's for some reason.
Shandi:
"Dude, just wait 'till you see us light our FARTS!"
WEIRD_1:
It's not as easy as you think to be a cook in Hell's Kitchen. Just look at the talent part of the interview.
flavio:
"Gentlemen, it is imperative that we get all the bugs out of that fire effect and fast? Mr. Miller says they start shooting the 'Abracadabra' video in two days!"
Steve_Reeves:
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley demonstrate their new method of getting rid of mosquitoes.
ArtMystery:
Juggling chainsaws and bowling balls is SO 20th Century. At the Silverman Memorial Performing School for Street Artists in Hibbing, Minnesota, students learn to juggle much more dangerous and intriguing items, like napalm and radioactive isotopes.
Nyssa23:
"I know it's tough, but it could have been worse... you could have gone blind!"
Racerex:
One of the great things about having Johnny Storm in your science class is that you don't have to waste money on Bunsen burners.
Motis:
While they may not burn as readily as more traditional fuels like coal or natural gas, high school students have the advantage of being too cheap to meter.
cambria36:
"Tabasco cotton-candy is only popular among old farts with beards, goof-asses who wear goggles, and aliens who order the treat by saying, 'Ack, Ack'."
starkbalmy:
"Okay, try it again -- the line is 'How about a little fire, Scarecrow?' -- and this time, cackle like you mean it!"
FLAMINGSQUIRREL23:
.oO Hmm... how do I explain to the school that children are, in fact, NOT flame retardent? Oo.
lil_amish:
At the DeVry Institute for Young Gods, Zeus and his cousin Prometheus try their hand at slinging lightning bolts down from the Heavens onto innocent humans.
nastinkers:
They used to tell you that your thingie would turn green and fall off, or that your hands would turn green and everyone would know what you did... but what did you have to do to get THAT?
JoeCrow:
ZZ Top members contemplate how much time is wasted by roadies, setting farts on fire after a having lunch at Texas Pete's Chile Bar.
SilentFilmStar:
In an unprecedented move, Hogwarts shows compassion for the muggles by attempting to bring the magic to the masses.
Geier:
NEVER underestimate the awsome, mind-staggering power of Marge Simpson's bubular brain with electrodes stuck in it.
Or something.
YibbleGuy:
"Hmm. Springsteen was right--it IS like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my soul."
"Yeah, me too."
questor:
When Jesus says its time to stop masturbating...
nashtbrutusandshort:
Sure, instead of "Prometheus, Bringer of Fire, Scourge of the Gods, Benefactor of All Mankind," the kids insisted on just calling him "Mr. Prom," and his colleagues ragged him about always missing parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings because he was off having his liver eaten, but still, Prometheus took to teaching high school chemistry like Zeus to virgins.
gleeb:
Every fall, science teacher Dan Haggerty introduces himself to students by recounting and recreating "my worst day ever".
Mr_Grant:
This week in 11th Grade Chemistry: "Now kids, this mistake is the one Richard Pryor made. Always practice Safe Freebasing."