Agent_Moldy:
"Yes, two tickets to the cornfield, please. What? Look, pal, wishing is for suckers. Okay now, I -- huh? Hey, you want I should make this order for THREE??? Yeah, that's what I thought. Now just set me up with two tickets to the cornfield. One way..."
DiscoBoy:
Dick Gaultier and his wife gave birth to a rotary phone? It's all true!
144b:
On the next ABC Afterschool Special, What do you do when you haven't a mother or dad? Alley Mills, John Milles, & Patti Franklin star in, "My Family came with the Picture Frame."
Steve_Reeves:
Just another picture proving that the All American Family is truly, one and all, undeniably insane.
Lanzman:
"Keep smiling. The Sixties will be over soon. Keeeeeep smiling . . . Katie, call time and temperature again, see if the Sixties are over. And for God' sake, tell them to hurry!!"
Generik:
"No, mis parentes no estan aqui ahora. ¿Aqui? Aqui estan el Tio-Papa 'Eddie St. Clair,' y la Tia-Mama 'Hoochie Carla.' Si. Si. Vamos a la 'Club Med for Swingers' ahora. Si. Hasta la vista. Si. Okay, 'bye."
Phibes:
"Hello, 911? Yes. My mommy and daddy got into some bad blotter tabs last night. They haven't moved in 12 hours, and we're out of cereal!"
suggs:
Yes, I'd like to report parental drug use, please...
Matteus:
"Yeah... OK... OK... I'll tell them. Mommy? The nice man wants you to tweak Daddy's nipples and he wants Daddy to take off Mommy's shoes... what's that? Yeah, OK. He wants you to keep smiling at the camera, Mommy."
IllegalityGirl:
"She's in the shower. No, he's in there with her."
abracadaver:
"Hi, Louise? This is Mimi. We've got the stuff. Meet us on the docks at 11:30 tonight."
Shandi:
(kid)"What are we wearing? Well, mom's got her white hooker dress on with no underwear and Uncle Bob here is sporting the fashionably out of date sport look - what? Dad's in the Slammer, why?"
Nyssa23:
"That's right Mom and Dad... either I get a BIG allowance increase in 10 seconds, or I'm pressing that last '1'."
evetsggod:
The family that dials together, smiles together
nastinkers:
Susie has her weekly commune with Satan.
lil_amish_boy:
In THE FUTURE, genetically-engineered girl-children will come with pretty Princess Phones attached to their ears. Mom and Dad are so proud!
Annakie7:
Since the people in casting got quick to recognize the voices of mom and dad, the parents enlist the help of little Julie in begging for a guest shot as a dysfunctional trailer park family on CHiPs.
WEIRD_1:
In order to earn money after his lay-off from the widget plant, Mr. Kehr starts his own phone sex line. Only $45 the first minute and $5 for every additional minute.
amycamus:
Shockingly filthy images like these - many involving young children - are traded by members of the Family Research Council via the internet. Millions of all-American, wholesome, white-bread families may be involved, InterPol's ongoing investigation reveals. "Who, pray tell, will save the children?" asked one concerned flasher as he opened his raincoat in Central Park.
starkbalmy:
"Child Protective Services says the wallpaper can stay, but the bouffant hairdo, the raccoon eye make-up and the Sans-a-Belt slacks are definitely no-nos. Also, they want to know if Daddy's maintaining his Lithium dosage."
Motis:
Gretchen's oh-so-kicky frosted mini-bouffant is the female version of the celebrated mullet. Bradley's groovy new portable phone clips right onto the belt built into his drip-dry Sanforized Orlon slacks. AT THE TONE, THE TIME WILL BE... 1965. *BEEP* Now, why exactly do we feel nostalgia for other decades again? Anyone?
chilwil:
The official Jack Kemp "Will veep for Liz Taylor's family values" ad campaign.
Mr_Grant:
Legendary stunt man Chuck Bail and the most dangerous stunt of his career--surviving a nuclear... family.
Buffoon:
Somewhere, in an alternate universe.... "Hi Suzy. My Dad's pregnant...again. He's such a slut. Mom says she's happy, but I really don't think she's looking forward to supporting an extra mouth to feed, what with the economy and all...."
Daleman:
Sansabelt slacks, a Stepford wife and a daughter on the honor role. It’s hard to believe that John Wayne Gacy could have turned his life around so drastically.
Reynard_T_Fox:
"Mifter Thports? I'm calling to say that whining pansy &$*# Kowalski should go back to &#*@ing Double-A and shut the *#&@ up if he can't close on a $%&#^$@ four-run lead." "Aw, they grow up so fast, don't they, honey?"
flavio:
New on NBC this fall: Meet The Twittys! Husband and country legend Conway! Life partner and Streisand impersonator Devan Fontaine! And introducing Booga Sue, daughter from a two week bender with Hee Haw cast member Gunilla Hutton.
Geier:
Incorrectly assuming that the unknown caller who asked to speak to "thee leeetle gurrrl" (amidst an odd "waka-chica" background noise) was TV prankster Alan Funt, Todd and Betty Anderson of San Diego, California would soon realize the enormity of their mistake. Thus would begin a decades-long series of trips to child psychologists, spiritual advisors, and (ultimately) Sergeant Williams of the San Diego Vice Squad (who eventually came to know little Sandy by her stage name, "Kendra Garden").
AAAron333:
That's right Janie, calling Daddy's penis WOULD be considered 'Long' distance
ArtMystery:
Hello, is this the Lucerne dairy? Yeah... yeah, see, my, uh... my... MOM... and my DAD... want me to ask you to take my picture off your milk cartons, because in case my real parents... uh... I mean, because I'm not really lost. I'm right here. Okay? Yeah. Okay then. Bye.
JursassicPork:
Mr. Polanski, I told you never to call me here.