Agent_Moldy:
The kids weren't so sure about Captain Duct Tape and his so-called 'safety ways', at first, but when he donned the phat doily hat his mom had made him, they knew he was the shizz-nit.
Mr_Grant:
Tom Ridge's Duct Tape Workshop goes horribly wrong.
Steve_Reeves:
o/' We don't need no education! We don't need no thought control! No dark sarcasm in the classroom! Students, leave the teacher alone! {bum-ba-da-bum-ba-da-bum} HEY! Students! Leave that poor old man alone! o/'
144b:
Who needs therapy, when you can "Chuck-A-Pop"? With the "Chuck-A-Pop" system of therapy, you can get rid of those nasty pent in hostilities towards your father, step-father or any other male dominating figures. Our patented, "Chuck-A-Pop" target male shouts taunting & demeaning phrases at you, while you hurl various objects at him.
(Cost of each session $2000)
Buffoon:
Once he was bound with the duct tape, the cappers began to show Buffoon what they REALLY thought of the idea for the virtual capfest during the Colossal Colon tour.
DiscoBoy:
You shouldn't mess with kids today by telling them that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny don't exist. They can be brutal.
Lanzman:
"Standardized tests? STANDARDIZED TESTS?!? I GOT YER STANDARDIZED TESTS, PAL!!"
Generik:
Tom Ridge rued the day he advised the kids at Beacon Hill Elementary to utilize duct tape and custard pies in their efforts to make the Homeland more secure.
starkbalmy:
After that day was over, "Lord of the Flies" was permanently removed from the required reading list.
flavio:
"Yeah come on, sing us one of your dumb ass songs now, Jimmy Buffet!"
IMissMST3K:
Herbert regretted ever making the statement "I like pie!"
Nyssa23:
"Are you *sure* this'll protect us from biological attack?"
ArtMystery:
"All in all, you're just another prick and two balls, Mr. Cavendish!" Fifth grade teacher William Cavendish never realized until that very moment just how much he really, really hated Pink Floyd.
Zee:
Personally, I thought John Wayne Gacy's punishment should've been a bit more severe...
Goat:
The large army of screeching children poured into the city from the north, sacking it with ease. After it was over, public execution and humiliation ensued.
HoneyT:
"Ok, kids, what have we learned?"
*chorus* "RISE TOGETHER AS ONE AND RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!"
lil_amish_boy:
You know, when I heard the Vatican say they were reforming the way they chose a Pope in the future... I had NO idea they meant this!
Annakie7:
Chinese re-education project #12: Strap up SARS victims on campus and tell children this is what will happen to them if they do dishonorably on their tests.
Daleman:
"Heard you were thinking about giving us homework the day before spring break Mr. Harrison. This committee has been formed in attempt to change your mind."
Geier:
Though the administrators at Saints Philbert & Theodosius Montessori School never quite understood the point of Mr. Johnson's safety demonstrations, they were always sure to thank him and the other volunteers from the local American Legion hall for all their effort on the children's behalf.
nastinkers:
Little do they know that they are playing into his perverted little fantasy...
HenryBemis:
Maybe the ACLU is right... maybe Megan's Law has gone too far...
Janx:
The children of Nicholas Romanov II Public School get the last laugh after they manage to crush the potentially devastating lolly-pop man revolt.
cisco3600:
Riots broke out at the North Pole today during heated negotiations between Santa and his helper elves over improved working conditions and increased pay for the elves. Seven elves, arrested and released on bail, are awaiting trial. Santa is currently listed in stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery by Christmas. A Workshop spokesman said that no reindeer were involved.
DancingQueen:
The sex offenders not only have to register with the community's public records, but there's a special "meet & greet" ceremony as well.