Agent_Moldy:
"I am the walrus. Coo--"
"Nuh-uh, *I* am the walrus!"
"No-no, it's me!"
"No! Over here!"
"Hey! Coo-coo-ca-choo! Right here! ME!"
"Oh screw it, let's just start signing the postcards, already."
144b:
The Algonquian Round Table it ain't!
Steve_Reeves:
In response to a particularly witty cap by one of it's members, the New Orleans Capfest attendees all shoot milk out of their noses at the exact same time. Or is it Kahlua?
questor:
Ironically, despite the antennas, the only show they could pick up was Rush Limbaugh on the E.I.B. network.
WEIRD_1:
You should see this group after a few drinks!
Buffoon:
The first group in the history of Pat O'Brien's to be told, "I'm sorry. The Management feels you've had more than enough alcohol already."
Generik:
"I am the walrus."
"Koo-koo-ka-choo."
"Choo-choo LaRue?"
"No, it's 'Goo-goo-ga-joob.'"
"Go get a job?"
"Huh? Gorbachev's knob?"
"Hey, wait a minute! I thought *I* was the walrus!!"
JAUSTRALIS:
"We decided to start Mardi Gras a bit early this year... wait... that's no different than usual..."
evetsggod:
No, really, that's the last straw!
BlueOnBlack:
The company holiday parties would forever be tainted by the "Half the Office Imitates 'Gandhi from Clone High' While Other Half of Office Walks Out" incident...
Nyssa23:
"Cappers make a startling discovery: the more orifices you can get alcohol into, the faster you can get drunk."
IMissMST3K:
Inevitably, someone HAS to draw the short straw... *shudder*
Shandi:
I don't think that this qualifies you to be STRAW men, Gen..... You'd all fail the Scarecrow tests immediately.
HoneyT:
The adult version of "Mr. Wizard" is very different from the kiddie show, wouldn't you say?
Ash_Skywalker:
"I'm walkin' to *hic* New Orleeeeeaaaans!"
juxstapo:
"Intoxicated Anglo-Saxons attempt freelance Acupuncture; tonight on A&E.;"
ArtMystery:
It's always fun when the dentists and the eye, ear, nose and throat doctors get together... until someone puts an eye out, that is.
LauraPowers:
All were too embarrassed to buy Cosmopolitans.
Lanzman:
On reflection, the management of the Tiki Bar decided to go back to the shorter straws for their drinks.\
ABServo:
Excuse me, could I get some extra stra-- DYAHHHH!!! Um... never mind!
Janx:
Having knocked off for the day, the members of the Body Cavity Research Institute can't wait to make dicks of themselves.
flavio:
"This is ridiculous! Fer chrisake somebody's got to be The Egg Man!"
BlakHat1:
%One of these Freaks is not like the others!/ Which one is different, do you know?/ If you tell me which Freak is not like the others/ then I'll tell you if it is so!%
Motis:
RULE #1: When making the obligatory cat meat/dog meat joke at your favorite Chinese restaurant, take care that your waiter does not overhear you even if you have already been served.
Tumbler:
"hmmm?"
"You don't notice them?"
"Of course I notice them... but I'd use the singular form rather than the plur... YIKES!"
"Finally noticed them, huh?"
"Yeah... what the Hell...?"
"It's the Moral Majority... or anyway that's most of them."
"Next you'll be telling me that all... THAT... is because I was admiring that cute waitress's behind."
"Yep... did it to distract and thus allow you to see how much you are failing in their and God's eyes."
"hmmm... well you know... I think maybe that now I understand my... Oh who am I kidding? F**k 'em. Where'd that cute waitress go?"
Daleman:
Fifteen minutes later the shirts started coming off. Unfortunately, all the women left ten minutes before the fun started.
Chebby:
The fortieth annual reunion of The Volunteer Child Cafeteria Workers At Clarkwood Elementary, the TVCCEWAC, (tee-VEE-sue-whack) was a success. This was taken just after the annual straw paper war, followed by the spit wad war, where they annoyed patrons by blasting them. Only one eye injury was reported, because Bob glued a BB on the tip of his straw paper. Safety glasses were made mandatory due to this from here out. Pat O'Brien's had a misconception of the title when they booked, otherwise they may have declined the group of pranksters for liability reasons...
cisco3600:
"We're from France."
Forkboy:
The next week, Applebee's adopted a strict "No Group Therapy Sessions" policy.
Geier:
Giving new -- and exceedingly sad -- meaning to the phrase "Vamping for the camera."
chilwil:
When I cap alone, I call it "capturbation." When I cap alone, staring at a picture of fellow cappers, I call a psychiatrist.
DiscoBoy:
"In honor of Generik's birthday, we want to do our latest impression -- A Guy With *Two* Straws Up His Nose!"
"Nose? I put mine in my ears!"
"Hey! That's not an impression! You're just putting straws up your nose. Anybody can put straws up their nose."
"And my ears!"
"...and your ears."
"So? If I say it's an impression, it's an impression!"
"No, you don't get it? An impression is when you pretend to be someone famous."
"Okay. In that case, I'm John Wayne with *two* straws up his nose!"
"And in his ears!"
"Okay, okay... and in his ears, too."
"Sigh... Why can't we even do a simple birthday greeting right?"
HenryBemis:
"...and then, I tell ya, Cheryl, like some sorta punchline to the whole evening, guess what they leave as my tip: a couple of anti-Bush comments, an out-of-date Satan's Penis, and barely enough PUMATs buy a subway token. Grrrr...when they come in *tomorrow*, they're aaaalll yoooouuurrs."