Racerex:
Unlike their modern counterparts in the Justice League of America, the members of the Justice Society of America of the 1940's never had meetings without drinking lots of alcohol first.
bugwber:
The "Hats" vs. "Heads" party was off to a great start until Betty decided to start beheading the infidels.
Lanzman:
"Well, Phyllis, you've won this round of musical chairs. That means you're the lucky sacrifice to Baal!"
Generik:
The first-ever CapFest, hosted by Generik back when he was just a young man in his mid-forties, was a smashing success, due mainly to the fact that, with his good looks, his charm and his deep pockets he attracted all the hot local babes who had a taste for a good martini or six. "Bottoms up, girls!" says Gen, while the guys all just smile and silently cheer.
WEIRD_1:
Shriner's host the best surprise sweet 16 parties.
About 10 years too late!
jurassicpork:
In the heartwarming final scene of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, George Bailey turns into the Wolf Man and kills all his benefactors.
BuckFifty:
".... HA HA HA HA HA!!! Great joke Helen! That reminds me of the time your husband showed me his penis! HA HA HA HA..."
*awkward silence*
Geier:
Ah, the good ol' days. When every woman was perky and every man was a little gay. (Some, a bit more than others.)
Kota:
no, no... that's not even the funny part. AFTER I put the batteries into the Energizer Bunny backwards, he kept "coming and coming."
flavio:
Whaddya mean you just killed a guy?
Amon:
Poor old uncle Vic... he thought by turning his hat sideways, he would be the center of attention.
And he was... until Lucy began to relate how she went through the crew of the USS Lexington back in ought thirty...
Buckaroo Bonsai:
"Well, I faked it 3 times on the first date and then told him to stick it in my ass. He was Hooked right then. It's SO easy to marry a millionaire these days!!"
nbutlerdidit:
"Yeah, a great party, hon! [sotto voce] 'Ey Mort, diddin ya say the poison would kick in by now?"
"Just you wait, Sal: this'll be GREAT. Watch."
cambria36:
Congratulations, Wanda...you won the drawing so you get to f**k us all.
Suggs:
That's right kids! The little lady here, broke the glass ceiling and is now the CEO of Humungocorps! She's already found a new boy toy who's 22 and has filed for divorce against me. But still it's swell she's doing what she wants, right?
BlueOnBlack:
Scary: this was _before_ the drinking started...
Agent_Moldy:
"...and that's when I knew it was time to see a doctor."
"Youuu guyyyyys! Heh-heh!*snikt* Heh-heh! Heh-heh! Heh-heh! *snort-snort* Heh-heh! Heh-heh! *snikt* Oops, I peed a little. Heh-heh! Heh-heh! *snort* Heh-heh!"
*woman continues for another 10 minutes*
Daleman:
God bless us, everyone. Now lets get to the drinking and drugs.
UpSky2:
Oops - I think one of us managed not to look silly.
scypha:
I tell you... this is the happiest alcoholic intervention for a drunkard that I have ever seen. And Mary will be better for it.
Steve_Reeves:
"I think this is the part where Moe, Larry, and Curly start squirting seltzer water on us but Moe's drunk, Larry's at the horse track, and Curly is in his trailer with one of the scriptgirls. Maybe we should just all go home."
AustinThreeSixteen:
"...and that's when I noticed that the prostitute was riding the mule!"
"Oh Jerry, you always have the BEST stories!"