Laserblast:
The only thing freakier than the faces on the Amplezits is how they look at you when you pop 'em.
Laserblast:
"So head on down to Bill's Used Toupee World, located conveniently inside Six Flags Over Shatner, today!"
Goob:
"Let's all look in the nice purple FREE box for the right sex toy to keep dad quiet."
Hippie:
Why am I always fucked at the end of musical cubicles? *Are you kidding, Johnny? They have to work these jobs! It's THEM who are fucked!
Laserblast:
Carleton Sheets IS Mr. Pissed in "Office Space 2: The Quickening", on a special encore presentation of You're Shitting Me Theater.
Hippie:
Aw, man.... I think the computer was getting ready to ask him out before she noticed the ring... *tsk* All the good hosts are taken.
Gnasche:
Featuring the unaired episode in which John Amos bitch-slaps JJ into a coma.
Gnasche:
The Friars Club roast of Robert Urich got kinda lame after all the good cancer jokes had been used.
Fee:
Meet Chris Chris, daughter of the most unimaginative parents in the world.
MirandaRamsey:
Counting on fat lardy little fingers turns Carleton totally off.
Goob:
"She's already graduated to pureed peas!" "Yeah, I KNEW that stain reminded me of something. Oh, yeah, this morning!"
Laserblast:
"Sometimes I get the menstrual cramps real hard."
Dyrnwyn:
"Now, smile for the camera, Carleton honey! Awww Carleton, don't be scared.."
Dyrnwyn:
"Give me back my baby!" / "Sorry, she's legally owned by Sheets Inc. now. Wave byebye, little girl."
Fee:
"Anal Lube to Mothership, one to beam up... engage."
Fee:
When Don is threatened, he bares his teeth, grabs his package and jumps around wildly screaming "Eep! Eep!"
Goob:
Don, listen to me, man. Put the tongue down, Don. Don't do it, Don! Put that tongue...DOWN!
Goob:
"Just watch me suck this small print into my greedy mouth before you can see word one!"
Laserblast:
Coming next month in Lapreman Comics: The Death Of Lapreman's trusty Package! How will Lapreman cope? Find out next month, same Lapre time, same Lapre channel!
MirandaRamsey:
Package Comics present... *drum roll*... Mighty Don vs. His Enormous Package! It will thrill you, it will chill you.