Snuffleupagus:
oO Is that MY obituary?! Oo
UnReality:
"Oh, we'll make them drink all right, you just watch!"
holenozone:
"NIVEA for men! When your not afraid to use whale sperm as aftershave."
elKapitan:
Hitler: The Early Years
Agent_Moldy:
"I'M a little teapot. short and stout. Here is my hand -- aw crap, I'm a coffee pot."
gleeb:
...with Pam Grier
Agent_Moldy:
Even though we're raising the alert level to "Oh Sh*t".
gleeb:
The phone is just whispering secrets to him.
rickubis:
Otherwise known by Mr. Bush as "attack status avocado".
GersonK:
This constant flashing message is way more re-assuring than those threat levels
gleeb:
Bill Travers: smoker; oil refinery worker; total moron.
rickubis:
Too bad I can't wear a hardhat on my lungs.
GersonK:
o o 0 (Smoking on an oil rig. Man, this is this life)
GersonK:
We had to call in a Joseph Carpenter to build the George Hause
rickubis:
Shouldn't Robert Electrician have done the lighting?
Agent_Moldy:
Joseph Carpenter is a good lighting guy. Just don't ask him about his stepson.
gleeb:
Sorry, you got the wrong woman. I'm NurseVerde.
Agent_Moldy:
"Won't you stay, Nurse?" "Can't. Those drive-by captions won't write themselves."
JoeCrow:
How did Kolchak always manage to keep his hat at that precise 12 degree angle
Agent_Moldy:
"Ma'am." "Baaaaaa."
GersonK:
"This is nothing. I once knit a whole sweater with my brows."
NurseNoir:
.oO Spit or swaller? Why I like ta jes' savor it fer a while! Oo.
gleeb:
Purse? It's a European hold-all, Mister! DRAW!
Racerex:
"Smile when you compliment my purse!"
The_Gray_Zombie:
You dare say I have a pocket book?!? I oughta shoot you like the dog you are
Racerex:
"I'm afraid I'm leaving this town. Too many male pocket-book jokes make me nervous."
Agent_Moldy:
Goody Trampmistress, Prom Queen.
Racerex:
We now return to "Florence Nightingale, Texas Ranger"......
144b:
Prudence Goodwife: US Marshall
Moatas:
A Little Known Fact: As part of his salary, Godfrey would get to keep the bowl of soup
EireCat:
Unfortunately for Julie Andrews, the hills were alive with the sound of avalanches that morning...
carbonbased:
The only existing picture of Calvin Coolidge's DUI arrest.
carbonbased:
"Who's endangered now, asshole?"
ROBOTCROWT:
Yes, Dear, we are assured of complete privacy here. After all, what kind of poor schlub (with no life) would be capping at 4:51 am?
gleeb:
Republic Pictures presents "High Plains Hypotenuse"
Loodvig:
Potato Guns of the ol' West
WeirdFi_:
"Now, Pierre, you see what happens when you feed a lightning bug methamphetamines?"
Moatas:
"This sale figures are great, I kinda wish I was paying them now."
klutzka:
Stalk them. Inspect their underwear for skidmarks. Have sex with their signifigant other.
Dante83:
And on the sixth day, God created beef jerky...
Dante83:
Meanwhile, Elliot Ness and his Untouchables race toward a Waffle House for their all-you-can-eat buffet.
cambria36:
Can I get a patent for this? "What is it?" A rectal thermometer.
wd40:
"Mr Watson, come here, I need you!" - .o0 friggin' micromanager! 0o.
rickubis:
There is absolutely *no* way anyone can improve on this recording technology.
Moatas:
The first recorded words. "...If you would like to place a phone call, hang up and try again."
NurseNoir:
Would you buy a used *anything* from this man?