Agent_Moldy:
"Bond... Dentu-Bond..."
suggs:
Jolly old elf, or not... He comes down that chimney now, and his ass is mine.
Lanzman:
"This'll be perfect for them cheatin' bitches down ta the Bingo hall! Thanks Maw!"
bugwber:
How'd you get a picture of my father's aunts?
Steve_Reeves:
"If Cheney can do it, I can do it!"
Mr_Grant:
"So, a baggy purple thong for your grandma, but nothing for me? You ungrateful punk-" *BANG*
questor:
Sad to say, but popping a cap at the enema technician gets you street cred at Piney Mountain Nursing Home.
DiscoBoy:
Even the vice president of Greater Bloomington Quilters' Circle decided to get in on the "quail hunting" action.
Buffoon:
Of course, the really distressing thing (on many levels!) is that this was a baby shower, but that's Texas for ya!
Geier:
...but it was perfectly safe, because Edna was using her good eye.
Generik:
"Well, if the Vice President can shoot ONE Republican lawyer, why can't we shoot ALL of them?" "Good point, Elsie. I'll get Karl in here for starters..."
WEIRD_1:
Let the Easter bunny just try and leave you kids some baskets and I'll have rabbit stew for supper.
ArtMystery:
Every so often, the family of William S. Burroughs likes to reenact the incident in which a drunken William tried to shoot a drink off his wife's head.
"Hold still, Mavis!"
cambria36:
Wanda loved all her birthday presents except for the book her husband gave her: Seventy-Seven Ways to Commit Suicide; when she opened his "gift" she then opened fire.
JurassicPork:
I see Lynne liked Dick's Christmas present.
starkbalmy:
"Oopsie! Oh well, I always hated that green ornament anyway. And I was never too fond of your brother-in-law, either."
gleeb:
See, Thelma and Louise turned out OK after all.
nastinkers:
Alright Santa, drop the bag or I swear I'll shoot.
NameBrand:
"Draw! No, wait -- I'm Clay Aikens' great-aunt Edna!"
Nyssa23:
"Thelma & Louise, the Golden Years."
TyranosaurisRex:
"I wanted the Smith & Wesson Model 500, but I guess this will do. Anyway, the Model 500 has a lot of recoil and probably would have bothered my arthritis."
lil_amish:
Welcome back to "A Very Cheney Christmas". Lynne takes careful aim at Dick to thank him for the lovely Smith & Wesson.
joe678:
"Robert Goulet?!?! I hate that son of a bitch!!!" *ka-blam!* "Where the hell's my Placidyl?"
Racerex:
It's true. Descendants of Xena the Warrior Princess are still around to this day.
UpSky2:
The Grandma's Saturday Night Special Prescription. Comes with matching Bulletproof Vest With Integrated Premarin Patches.
chilwil:
Oh my god, it's the dream I keep having: one granny with a gun and the other in a fuschia thong. Luckily, I don't know what it means.
Jacksinn:
"I don't know about you, Myrtle, but this little surprise has sure made MY Saturday night special!"
nashtbrutusandshort:
...and Momma was real happy with her new automatic. Eight shots -- two for each Horseman of the Apocalypse! Well, that's all for now -- here's hoping that we see you all at the fortified compound at least once before the End Times arrive. Merry Christmas, XXXXX.
Cyberbeast:
"I don't think so, motherf*cker!"
JoeCrow:
Bitch... She gets a Colt 1911a and all I got was this lousy fuscia thong. I knew I should'a slept with him.