Agent_Moldy:
"Ladies, contrary to popular belief, your smiles must be 'simply irresistible' to graduate from the Robert Palmer Stewardess School. Dippy the Clown, tell us more!"
"That's right, girls! And always remember our school's motto -- 'Coffee, tea, or clown white?' A-hyuck-hyuck!"
"Heh-heh, ladies, yyyou'll have to excuse Dippy. He...has a problem. I'm afraid Dippy the Clown is -- well, he's addicted to --"
"Love?"
"Crack."
"Oooooo..."
suggs:
'Thanks, girls! I know we'll be happy, and Crapo has already picked us out an apartment.'
144b:
At Mindy's baby's shower, the ladies offer tips on how to sneak the little bugger into the plane & into the overhead compartments, weaning him off breast milk & on to non dairy creamer (laced with tequila), and how the floatation device makes for a great pacifier.
Buffoon:
"Offering tea and crumpets may work a lot of times, girls, but I find that most of the clowns we deal with just want a quick hand job."
LiannaSky9:
"Well, here's this clown that William Shatner was freaking out about... he was stuck under one of the wing flaps!"
questor:
"The other flight attendants were impressed by how Elaine hid her Hitachi 'Magic Wand'. But as Elaine explained, "it's hardly the first time I had some clown down there"'.
DiscoBoy:
The inner workings of the Bozo Cult and his hordes of virgin brides really weren't all that odd. What was odd was their desire to go to war with the Emmett Kelly Cult rather than the Carrot-Top Cult, which clearly deserved it more.
Lanzman:
The cult spreads to a new neighborhood. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Generik:
Back when flight attendants were still called stewardesses, there were a number of ways for them to deal with unruly passengers. One very popular item, now illegal, was the Voodoo Bozo. With just a couple of well-placed pins, that drunken bum-pincher in aisle 7 could be afflicted with pains in his stomach, knee or groin that would render him harmless for the duration of the flight. "Just remember to remove the pins once you've landed, gals." "Ha ha, right." "Roger." "Yeah. Ha ha." "...Or not."
Indika:
The other WACs didn't have the heart to let Thelma know her baby looked like Bozo the Clown, they simply toasted her good fortune.
BlakHat1:
And here we see our nation's top airline stewardesses practice in-flight hostage negotiation: "Please Sir, release the clown so you can return to your seat. I'll even help you buckle in securely. Very securely." *wink* "Ahem, do you need assistance in the restroom?" "Sir, would you like to join our Mile High Club?" "Um, Ladies, you haven't haven't had time off for a while, have you?" "Nope, when is the clown free?"
UpSky2:
[Chorus:] "Coffee, tea, or all of us together!?"
Nyssa23:
"Nancy introduces her friends to her new fiance. He's always cheerful, he makes her laugh, and best of all, he fits in a carry-on!"
rickubis:
Horrible news today, as members of the Bozo the Clown cult drank poisoned Kool-Aid today. Investigators are puzzled by the suicide note which indicates that they will soon be clowning around behind a comet. TV news stations refused to cover this story, with the statement: "Aside from those who watch Survivor, who cares what a bunch of bozos might do?"
Shandi:
The NEW Stepford Stewardess school is now open, featuring such techniques as Constant Cheer Throughout Turbulence, Coping Cheerfully with Crying Kids, and Tactfully Turning a Pass into a 3-day Weekend with Bozo.
amycamus:
"...and carny music over giant megaphones along with thousands of these dropped behind enemy lines. Believe me - this'll scare the pants off all those nasty, icky Nazis." "Betty, you're a genius!" "I'll drink to that!" *CLINK*
Annakie7:
The flight attendant with the tiny freakish body always gets nominated to do the worst of the lavatory cleanings.
ArtMystery:
In the wake of September 11, flight attendants have to be prepared for any contingency, including the possibility of having the cabin overrun by terrorist-inspired circus midgets.
IllegalityGirl:
"Today we will have a 'Bozo Passenger Intervention' training session. Because all our travelers are, that's right, Bozos."
evettsgod:
Their mouths might be saying "What a catch!," but their eyes are saying "What a Bozo!"
gleeb:
BOAC hostess Mary Farnsworth wins the prize for being the one who looks most like Princess Margaret.
nastinkers:
Looks like there was a mix-up at the flight attendant cloning factory...somebody must have been clowning around again!
Janx:
Thunderbirdets - Episode 2: Tea-Time Of The Clones... and... Clowns.
ABServo:
We've secretly replaced the coffee the stewardesses normally drink with LSD. Let's see if they notice. "Hey girls! This is my new boyfriend, Steve! Say hello, Steve!"
chilwil:
Why is that clown smiling? Because he's about to become a permanent member of the "5 mile high club."
abracadaver:
The meeting of the Caucasian WhiteyHonkeyCrackers Ladies Club will now come to order.
starkbalmy:
It wasn't the first time Janet had felt like she should introduce the clown she'd been dating to her coworkers, and from the looks she got from them when she did, she knew it wouldn't be the last.
HoneyT:
Flight Attendant 1 (holding clown): My friend Mr. Blinky here needs something to put some "chlorophyll" back in the ol' "stamen".
Flight Attendant 2 (standing next to Flight Attendant 1 and holding cup and muffin): Well, we have just the thing!
Flight Attendant 3 (half-kneeling position, holding cup and muffin): That's right! A lifetime supply of hollandaise sauce mixed with St. John's Wort! Puts the "wood" in "woody"!
Flight Attendant 4 (sitting, holding cup and muffin): And best of all, it helps promote potency while also inflating the size of the little weiner so that it can be used as a flotation device!
Flight Attendant 5 (standing, holding cup and muffin): Oh yes, it has certainly helped my Horny Herb! In fact, one night, he couldn't stand up because his balls were bigger than Dom DeLuise's asscheeks!
Geier:
Debby, Dani, Dottie, Delores, and Dale knew all along that Bobo was actually the earthly incarnation of a demonic trans-dimensional entity bent on universal destruction. But they'd sworn a Stewardess's Oath to perkiness and efficiency, dammit, and no near-omnipotent hell-beast with a grudge was going to make them break it!
Daleman:
"The little bastard wouldn’t stop crying all the way from Seattle to Newark airport. I told him that if he didn’t stop I’d take his clown doll and flush it out of the plane. Needless to say, I’ve got another one for my collection."
TyranosaurisRex:
.oO( I'm so excited...so happy. A new job... new friends that seem to like and accept me for what I am, a doll toting freak. They understand that I will never give up my Bozo doll... NEVER.)Oo.
Steve_Reeves:
"Oooh! He's biologically correct! And from what I can tell, he's rather *generously* biologically correct! How can I ever thank you girls? This is the best Bridal Shower gift ever!"
Reynard_T_Fox:
The second step in the Margot Kidders Anonymous support group is to turn over one's will and lives to a higher power. Naturally, it is important for the leader to supervise this step.