Scypha:
Little Known Fact! Mummies used pythons to help protect their fast food lunches while waiting for some poor shmuck to desecrate their tomb.
144b:
Oh, great. Other mummies get gold and other great things in their tomb to have in the afterlife. What do I get? Cheap hieroglyphics. And a boa constrictor, and a pyramid that leaks. That's the last time I'll use Anubus & Sons Funeral home.
bugwber:
Meanwhile in Michael Jackson's bedroom....
Buffoon:
It was a severe punishment, but Amenhotep thought it was a fair one. It wasn't until centuries later, when 7-11 started using his undead body as a sales tool for the Big Gulp that he regretted writing "Cleopatra and the Whore of Babylon... ever seen 'em together? Coincidence? I think not!" in hieroglyphics on the walls of the Necropolis.
Steve_Reeves:
Snake: "Hey, man, I've been stuck in this tomb for the last 3000 years, you better believe I'm hungry! And this asshole bogarted all the soda so I could use a drink, too!"
DiscoBoy:
That Cleo is *such* a queen of denial! What a pain in the asp!
Mr_Grant:
Yet more unreleased scenes from 'Blade Runner'-- "Taffy Lewis presents Miss Salome and the snake. Watch her take pleasure from the serpent that once corrupted man."
Batqueen:
"Welcome to McDonald's of Egypt, where we love to wrap every third customer in mummy-paper, then smile as venomous snakes inject your body with their poison, and we serve the remains of your shriveled corpse to other customers as Big Macs. Can I take your order?"
Agent_Moldy:
*click* "Hi, you've reached Moldy. I can't come to the WCFF right now, as I am glued to the farthest corner of the room, unable to move due to fear/freaking out over that photo. If you would like to leave another photo, please do so at the tone, and I will cap it as soon as possible. Thank you. *beeeeeep*
nbutlerdidit:
"Man, I've been depressed since The Groove Ghoulies kicked me out of the band. Wait ... those bubbles!... Why, HERE COMES SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP ME!...whoah, man, how many Glenda the Goods can there be?""
Daleman:
Blimpies new snake sandwiches, now with only four grams of fat.
BuckFifty:
"Well... at least nothing else can go wrong..." *loud thunder* "...fuck."
Nyssa23:
Christo's newest installation, "Adam and Eve," was installed in a museum this morning to widespread indifference.
Generik:
Richard from Survivor and his mummy take a quick refreshment break between tapings of Good Morning America and Letterman.
BadBoy1:
"...ok honey....enough of the fun & games.....you said you were just going to handcuff me....." "..honey?.......get up off the floor....and quit making that hissing sound..."
Neoknight:
Rejected Slogans #1254: "Because kinky Mummy S&M just isn't the same without a Pepsi!"
Laurie2K:
Rising from the dead occurs more often than is commonly thought. There are approx. five reported cases a year in Egypt alone. These resurrections seldom inspire a religious following since most return after a Big Mac attack or a sudden urge to scare the beejeezus out of a mate.
E_B_A:
"We now return to the Neverland Ranch..."
Cyberbeast:
"Old man Johnson always tried to guard his house on Mischief Night, but he always fell asleep."
questor:
Vanilla Ice - Wrap Star
teambanzai:
Nothing Michael Jackson does surprises me anymore.
abracadaver:
Anaconda 1: Have you tried the new McMummy yet? Anaconda 2: Well, I ordered one but I couldn't figure out how to get it out of the wrapper.
Shandi:
"Stop by King Tut's Fresh Fried Snake! We've got python, cobra & more! If you don't like it, tell the manager to kiss my asp & you get a free soft drink!"
Hireling:
After the fourth time, Bob had to admit that his sexual fantasy of being slowly devoured by a python and then being crapped out was taking it's toll on his sensitive skin.
BlakHat1:
"Look, I've been telling you NO for 5000 years! You're STILL not getting my Diet Dr. Pepper!"
Geier:
In a bizarre alternate reality, Salvadore Dali had a thing for mummies. And snakes. And an addiction to Blimpie's soft drinks. And an unfathomable lack of interest in droopy clocks and translucent boxy crucifixes. Go figure
UnReality:
Ha! Any archeologist worth his salt will tell you that the Egyptian Pharaohs actually preferred Pepsi, ten to one. (What can we say? Ramses loved his Mountain Dew!)
WEIRD_1:
United Artists presents, The movie fans of the Mummy have been waiting for. The Mummy II: Demon Python. This movie features a huge tropical python, fresh from it's staring role on "Survivor". Chill as Susan is ate alive like the rat she is! Cringe as Rudy cooks the python on a too hot fire for too long! Squirm as Richard asks the Mummy out to a gay bar! Your Shitting Me Movie Review says "Run don't walk to a theater showing a good movie, like Godzilla 2000". Crappy movie monthy gives it 4 out of 5 braf bags. At the movies says "Those 1-800-c-a-l-l-a-t-t ads have more plot.
suggs:
'CUT!!! Manny, how many times to have to tell you to wait for the snake to turn to the left before you start your lines! And where's that damn fog machine? Man, I don't remember working this hard on that Rick Springfield crap.'
Lanzman:
Suddenly, "Walk Like an Egyptian" didn't seem like such a good theme for the Senior Prom.
nashbrutusandshort:
It was a visit to this museum exhibit in 1959 which sparked Jim Morrison's first version of "The End," in which the famous stanza goes "Ride the snake.../He's old/And his skin is cold/And he's put on a few pounds/Ride the snaaaaaaake..."