Agent_Moldy:
Miss Bertha Balbricker, proprietor of The Nutcracker Christmas Shop invites you to come on down and see just what her shop has to offer. Be sure to wave at Bertha on your way in! And for the self-conscious, neutered pooch in your family, check out the place for all your pet's vanity needs. It's The Mutts Nuts!
*From the people who brought you The Bees Knees Stinger Emporium.*
bugwber:
o0{I'd give my Mutts Nuts for a twelve dollar bowl of chocolate sauce right about now...}
Mr_Grant:
Oh good lord-- is this one of those girls-in-the-window red light districts we always hear about?
DiscoBoy:
"Crack one, get the second half off!"
144b:
Hey, show us your sugar plumbs!
questor:
For pete's sake, just crack'em don't swallow them too.
Buffoon:
All her life, Sarah wanted to be the angel on top of the Christmas tree. "Now," she thought, "Now I can have that feeling. Of course, the pine tree up my nether parts feels a little odd, but I think I'll get used to it in time."
Sugarbear:
o/` How much is that doggie in the window... "cough - Hey sexy, lookin' for a date? - cough, hack"...the one with the raggedy face o/`
Lanzman:
"I ain't no stinkin' sugar plum fairy. Now gimme twenty bucks or get lost!"
Daleman:
Hey baby, you looking for a good time? No? I don’t blame you.
Generik:
Edinburgh offers the most eclectic one-stop shopping spot in all of Europe. Where else can you get your dog neutered, buy ornaments for your Christmas tree and visit the Red Light District all in one quick trip downtown?
JurassicPork:
On reflection, Bridget questioned the wisdom to lease a one-stop storefront containing a cathouse, an ornament shop and a dog-neutering clinic.
nashtbrutusandshort:
You can only hear "Dance of the Snowflakes" through the floorboards so many dozen times per day before contemplating defenestration. I know -- I once lived above All Things Bonnie Tyler. The store was mercifully short-lived, but after the 900th repetition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" I knew all about staring into the abyss, believe you me.
lil_amish:
The Sugar Plum Fairy needs to lay off the sweets.
Motis:
Many specialty shops thrived during the Inquisition. It was a golden age of rampant testicle abuse and frequent auto-da-fenestrations in which a full-grown bull nun would leap out the window and bring Jesus' gentle love feet first to an unrepentant sinner below. The secret to the happiness, peace and prosperity of the Inquisition is simple: they eliminated terrorists, serial killers, rapists, and zealots by cleverly giving them all government jobs.
starkbalmy:
Sarah was afraid of heights, and so figured that, rather than one great leap from a very high-up window, suicide was best accomplished by repeated jumping, again and again, from a window on the second story. The folks at the Christmas shop eventually learned to live with the repeated thudding noise on the sidewalk every fifteen minutes or so.
Racerex:
Towards the end of her life, Tinkerbell, having gained weight, lost the pixie-ish glow of her youth and longing for the old days, often contemplated suicide...
ArtMystery:
...While visions of sugarplums danced in her socks. Or were those dog testicles?
WEIRD_1:
A sure sign Christmas is here. Molly O'Leary makes another really bad attempt at suicide.
gleeb:
The only trouble after Solipsiskaya's grande jete was getting down.
AAAron333:
Memo to Mrs. Bush: Angel to top White House Christmas Tree is ready for pick-up.
chilwil:
With satisfied customers like her, it's gotta be good!
nastinkers:
Well, if you are going to wear socks with capri pants, you might as well just jump.
Nyssa23:
"Just ate the Sugar Plum Fairy."
MessiahBlue:
Isn't Boxing Day the day AFTER Christmas in Scotland???
Steve_Reeves:
"Hey, Baby! Yeah, you over there, come on up! I got your nutcracker right here, Baby, and it's ready to crack!"
Cyberbeast:
"I'm going to jump! *bump* OW! I swear, I'll do it! *bump* OW! Damn it!"
JoeCrow:
Rapunzel, Rapunzel -- What the Hell you been eatin' Bitch?
flavio:
Romeo, O Romeo. Wherefore art thou with thine double bacon, cheeseburger with extra mayo and biggie fries. Deny thy diet Coke and bring thee a chocolate shake of super size.